Hot Buttered Toast – Ends + Mends
The to-do list never, ever ends. It gets me down, every damn day. The busiest mind, unable to breathe. Until I remember...
As a mum of a teenager and pre-teen, I thought at this point in my motherhood journey, I’d have most things figured out. Turns out I know less now than I ever did and parenting two wildly wonderful ND girls is as wild a ride as I could ever have imagined. It’s exhausting, brittling, stretching, testing, heartbreaking… and also joyful, hopeful, wonderful, surprising + hilarious (never all at once, and often far more of the former than the latter, particularly these last couple of years).
As a former award-winning wellbeing editor, author + eternal student of Ayurveda, Herbal Medicine + Yoga Therapy for Women, I’ve never needed every tool in my box as much as I do now. The kicker is, I find nowhere near enough time to take them out, dust them off and actually USE them. For those who’ve been with me a while, you’ll know that that’s why I started this Substack in the first place – MOTHER NOURISH, literally – to hold myself accountable each + every week, and to stop demoting my own needs, time + energy.
I’ve always written. So as to reclaim the scraps of my day. To make the crusts and the crumbs mine, for if they’re all I get, I’ll make them count. But, most of all, I write because I know there are others like me, who are finding this hard. Who crave their creative time, the ‘room of one’s own’, the opportunity to raise themselves up and nourish themselves deeply, all the while raising their kids (as much as being raised by them) – rising together, knit together, ever-together, in ways we wouldn’t change for the world.
Then there are the days when I’m away for work, and I get to drink my cup of tea hot all the way to the last drop; I get to focus, wholly, on one thing from beginning to end, and whizz through my lists in hours, uninterrupted.
When I’m not having my train of thought cut into by the kids, the Pup, the house + its never-ending chores, the ping of my admin reminders – school trips, permission slips, extra kit, ferrying + fetching, fixing + finding. When I get to step OUT of the home, for a wee while, and put my energy into one place… which, of course, is not how parenthood works at all, nor is it meant to.
Parenthood, it feels to me, is like an epic, unending game of pinball. No sooner has one ball been pocketed, than another flurry arrives, ricocheting around the inside of the skull like miniature bats in a cave. Eternal pinball… yep, that’s my life.
I promised myself that I’d sit to write this letter with an initial list of the many, many things I’m grateful for. A recalibration that always helps – particularly when my mind is in full-blown pinball mode. So, here goes –
A wonderful day today, out with my youngest + my mum, at a horticulture workshop with Petersham Nurseries… three generations in a row, hands in the earth, potting bulbs and beckoning spring. Just about perfect (cake + cocktails too… does it get any better?)
The BRILLIANT book Radiant Rebellion by Karen Walrond, which I heard about via Dr Aviva Romm’s excellent podcast and which sent me straight to the nearest indie bookshop in Totnes (thank you Arcturus Books!), where it was ordered in overnight + in my hands, being gobbled up over dinner, the next day (for no more than the cover price). Books are, so often, the answer when I’ve lost my way… a hand held out in kindest kinship.
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to MOTHER NOURISH with Emine Rushton to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.